A Troika Of Twits

Sun TV, the channel that holds much of Tamil Nadu captive in the evenings with melodramatic soaps starring fat former movie actresses celebrated its thirteenth birthday this month. Most of the programming is hideously bad – the closest analogy I can think of is Craig Kilborn reruns all day for a whole week. The lack of talent is pervasive throughout the organization, and compiling a list of the worst anchors is exceedingly difficult:

Sureshkumar, the snooty looking dude who anchors a program called Top Ten movies, wearing costumes in colors that are best left to Hawaiian shirts. He rates movies every week along with a what he thinks is a snappy comment. Suresh cares not for spoilers, and nonchalantly gives out endings and important twists with nary a blink of the eye. “The movie has a great climax, when you come to know that Susheela is the killer, you are surprised!”.

Gowri , the girl that interviews people in the mornings. She has a prepared list of questions with her, and will go through her list no matter what the answers are.

“Are you married?”

“No”

“Where did you meet your wife”

“I am not married”

“Interesting. How many kids do you have?”

You get the picture. And she mangles her consonants so much that her Tamil pronunciation is clearly the worst of all Sun TV anchors. Believe me, that is a difficult honor to get. KaLLoori and KaLLvi.

Fatima Honedew: Utter a word. Proffer toothy smile. Move upper body and head vigorously from left to right. Another word. Right to left movement. Another word, Up and Down. Yet another word, diagonal shakes. Poor Tamil diction, more smiles. Always stress the wrong syllable. Makes you yearn for Gowri.

Yet, we pay Dishnetwork actual money every month and religiously subject ourselves to torture for at least a few minutes a day. Because, for good or for bad, it reminds us of home. Of evenings spent on easy chairs, drinking coffee and watching movies.