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There is English, and then there is Inglish. An obsequious version of the language, fawningly humble, filled with “the sames” and “above saids.” Where two words are always better than one, and how good you are is judged by the length of your, ahem, words. Where you shave “visages,” and are never angry: you just express “disapprobation.”

You use words straight out of obsolete thesauri, and send emails like this:

I would prefer to humbly submit my sincere apologies to all of (sic) for the unexpected but long delay in posting the minutes of the XI Meeting of “<” . . .”>” held on Sunday, April 24, 2005 at Chennai in the “<” . . .”>”, before beginning to pen the same.

PS : As I type this, my wife and I are on the first leg of a flight to Penang, Malaysia – an expat assignment that could last at least a few weeks. Flying first class (I had to say that!)… we still got the same “set the beef aside and eat the mashed potatoes” treatment when we asked for something veggie.