Expert Witnesses

Judge: “Mr. Thief, you are on trial for a very serious crime. You killed the manager of a bank, and stole a lot of gold from their safe deposit vaults. The case against you is watertight.”

Mr. Thief: “Heh.”

Judge: “Heh? That's all you have to say about it?”

Mr. Thief: “Heh is the sound of me laughing self-righteously. I would like to let you know that I didn't do it. It was an invisible man that killed the manager and stole all the gold.”

Judge: “That's bullsh.., I mean, impossible.”

Mr. Thief: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

Judge: “You lost me there, what are you talking about?”

Mr. Thief: “Never mind, but I am sticking to my story. It was an invisible man that killed the manager and stole all the gold.”

Judge: “Invisible man? That is scientifically impossible. Do you have any witnesses?”

Mr. Thief: “As a matter of fact, I do. I would like to call H.G Wells to the stand.”

Judge: “But he is dead, I thought. Or maybe that's Orson Wells.” Checks with someone. “Yeah, they are both dead.”

Mr. Thief: “Too bad, I will call Ram Gopal Verma instead. He made a movie called Gayab, and can use the scientific expertise he gained during the making of the movie to prove that invisible men are not impossible.”

Judge: “I think you might have a point there. Even if I buy that for a minute, how do you explain all the gold in your house?”

Mr. Thief: “Oh, that was stuff I produced using alchemy.”

Judge: “Huh? Ok, this is becoming a farce. Alchemy is a ridiculous explanation.”

Mr. Thief: “Oh yeah? I will call Neal Stephenson to the stand prove it is not that ridiculous.”

Judge: “Dude, this is tiring. What are you smoking?”

Mr. Thief: “If you must know, I read this on my way to court this morning.“